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Texting From London Station

Title: Texting From London Station
Author: jaune_chat
Fandom: Star Trek/Sherlock (BBC)
Characters/Pairings: Kirk/Bones, Sherlock/John
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 1,375
Spoilers: none
Warnings: implied sexual shenanigans, slash
Disclaimer: Sherlock and Star Trek aren’t mine.
A/N: Sequel to London Station and Aftermath of London Station. Also “texting” is used in the loosest possible interpretation. No character count here!
Summary: Sherlock texts Jim Kirk about a case. Doctors McCoy and Watson try to keep them from doing anything too stupid about it. Creative forms of restraint ensue!



To: Captain Kirk

What is the top speed of the USS Enterprise? Starfleet has it listed as “classified.” SH

To: Sherlock Holmes

For good reason. Warp 9 if we want to blow through our fuel in a few hours. 9.3 if Scotty gets time to tweak it. JTK

To: Captain Kirk

Admirable. So you could theoretically travel from Earth to New Vulcan in 5.6 minutes. SH

To: Sherlock Holmes

Theoretically. We’re not at Earth though. JTK

To: Captain Kirk

Obviously. You’re patrolling the Neutral Zone and haven’t seen action in three weeks. SH

To: Sherlock Holmes

Unless you’re counting my left hand, no. JTK

To: Kirk

We’ve had a modified cruiser blast out of London Station with several museum pieces aboard. Judging by their nacelle design, they should have been forced to stop for refueling and maintenance 23 hours ago. Their energy signature, however, does not match. It’s far closer to the Enterprise, and likely has a similar range. They were heading in your direction. SH

To: Sherlock

I’m listening. Intently. JTK

To: Kirk

In order to sell the pieces, the ship is most likely to pass through the Neutral Zone to get to the nearest potential buyer. To do that, they’ll have to be quick in crossing the border. Your ship should be able to catch them, provided I give you a heads up. SH

To: Curly-Haired Git

Was that a challenge? JTK

To: Over-Sexed Braggart

Quite possibly. SH

------------------

To: Dr. Watson

He’s in communication with Jim.

To: Dr. McCoy

I’ll try to stop him from doing something stupid.

To: Dr. Watson

Use force. I will.

To: Dr. McCoy

Noted.

-----------------

To: Sherlock

Sorry I didn’t get your message until this morning. Late night. Starfleet Command is a little dubious because we didn’t get a communication from London Station that this was an official alert. JTK

To: Kirk

Ah, I neglected to remind Scotland Yard last night. Very late. Check again. SH

To: Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise

London Station formally requests your assistance in the apprehension of several dangerous criminals that have fled our jurisdiction headed in your direction. File attached. –Detective Inspector Gregory Lestrade

To: Sherlock

Next time mention your art thieves are also murderers that include members from a rogue Romulan terrorist group. That makes Starfleet move their asses faster. JTK

To: Kirk

Oh, did that matter? SH

To: Heartless Bastard

Yes. Yes it does. JTK

To: Over-Sensitive Twit

If you insist. SH

----------------

To: Dr. McCoy

He’s still at it. I tried. I’m rather sore.

To: Dr. Watson

I’m sending you a code to replicate some ointment. Use it, it helps. Personal experience.

To: Dr. McCoy

Thank Mycroft for surplus replicator credits. That did help, thank you.

To: Dr. Watson

Jim has us patrolling one end of the Neutral Zone trying to catch pirates.

To: Dr. McCoy

My profound apologies. Sherlock was frustrated that they slipped the Docking Patrol just when he had identified them.

To: Dr. Watson

Tell him to not rile Jim up. All he needs is an excuse to act like a hero.

To: Dr. McCoy

Fine. I’ll break out the special trunk.

To: Dr. Watson

Good idea. I’ll see what I can do to diffuse the situation on my end.

To: Dr. McCoy

Good luck.

----------

To: Sherlock

Those energy signatures you sent have my engineers in an uproar. That’s modified Starfleet tech. We’re setting algorithms to lock onto the scent now. Or maybe they already did. I’m not quite sure what time it is. JTK

To: Kirk

…Neither do I. Apologies for any spelling errors. Typing with one hand. SH

To: Sherlock

One: Why? Two: Just use voice diction. JTK

To: Kirk

Hate voice diction. And I’m cuffed, if you must know. SH

To: Kinky Bastard

Not only must I know, I must know more. JTK

To: Likewise

Don’t like voice diction, do occasionally like visual recording. Sending file. SH

To: HOT DAMN

!!!!

-------------------

To: Dr. Watson

You gave Jim ideas, you fool!

To: Dr. McCoy

Jealous?

To: Dr. Watson

Bring it on.

--------------------

To: Sherlock

Scotty finished the new scanning program. There are traces in two places on the border. We’re checking them now. JTK

To: Kirk

You’re entirely too perky at this hour. SH

To: Sherlock

It’s 0600 on London Station. I thought you were usually up before then. JTK

To: Kirk

File attached: Late Night SH

To: Mighty Flexible

Anything you can do, I can do better. File attached: Way Later Night JTK

To: Could You Do That Again, So I Can Study It?

Does one of your traces also contain tachyon particles? SH

To: Your Mind Works In Mysterious Ways

Yeah it does, changing course now. JTK

To: Kirk

Do let me know when you catch up. I’ll be asleep. SH

To: Sherlock

After that, you need it. JTK

----------------

To: Dr. McCoy

Well, it worked. At least he’s focused. I may need to sleep for a week.

To: Dr. Watson

Any recommendations for a cure for an Andrian fire-water hangover? Hyposprays aren’t touching it and I can’t concentrate enough to use a database search.

To: Dr. McCoy

I’d try fried eggs on beans with gray salt. Also, I'd never let him drink fire-water out of your navel again.

To: Dr. Watson

WHAT?!

To: Dr. McCoy

Oh God, I actually sent that…

-------------------

To: Sherlock

Location: Bridge – On course for your pirates. They’re running-.

[CONNECTION TERMINATED DUE TO TEMPORARY LOSS OF SERVICE]

To: Sherlock

AND ARMED! JTK

To: Kirk

I believe you know they are also Romulan terrorists. Armed is included with that definition. SH

To: Sherlock

NOT WITH PHOTON TORPEDOES!

To: Sherlock

I hate you.

To: Sherlock

Tachyon particles!

To: Kirk/To: Sherlock

You could always phase-. / Phase our own phasers to their own engine emissions!

To: Kirk/To: Sherlock

BRILLIANT!

To: Kirk

It worked? SH

To: Sherlock

Obviously. Engines knocked out. Ship collected. Pirates captured. Art retrieved. Spock was impressed. JTK

To: Kirk

I’m pleased I was able to save your ship. SH

To: Swelled Head

My ass. JTK

To: Lovely Invitation, But I Must Decline

Doubtful. SH

To: Likewise

Whatever. I have better things to go home to. Oh, and I’m not allowed to send or receive private files to or from you. Ever again. JTK

To: Kirk

Also, likewise. SH

To: Sherlock

You have your PADD on remote, right? JTK

To: Clever Boy

Obviously. SH

To: Gleeful

Victory celebrations, ahoy! JTK

--------------

To: Dr. McCoy

My apologies. I should have known better than to let Sherlock use my PADD. I could not unsee what I’d seen.

To: Dr. Watson

Forgiven. We have more pressing matters.

To: Dr. McCoy

Do tell.

To: Dr. Watson

I’m out of clever ideas.

To: Dr. McCoy

We could swap trunks.

To: Dr. Watson

That’s a horrible idea. I’m a doctor, not a sex fiend. It’ll only give Jim more ideas.

To: Dr. McCoy

Tell that to someone who hasn’t seen you wearing that leather outfit. And you’ve inadvertently given Sherlock ideas too.

To: Dr. Watson

Jim had it custom-tailored as a birthday gift!

To: Dr. McCoy

I know. I want the tailor’s name.

To: Dr. Watson

Maybe we should swap trunks instead.

To: Dr. McCoy

Quickly. Before Sherlock get bored again.

To: Dr. Watson

It’ll be on the next shuttle.

To: Dr. McCoy

Thank you for the initial warning, by the way. I’m putting an alert on Sherlock’s PADD if he tries to contact Captain Kirk again.

To: Dr. Watson

Anytime. We’d better keep in touch in case this happens again.

To: Dr. McCoy

Agreed. I could use some commiseration.

To: Dr. Watson

And some extra videos! JTK

To: Dr. Watson

Damn it Jim, stop hacking my PADD!

Comments

( 34 comments — Leave a comment )
sirona_gs
Feb. 10th, 2011 10:43 am (UTC)
That was completely hilarious, as well as strangely sweet! :D I had a lot of fun imagining what they were getting up to XD
jaune_chat
Feb. 10th, 2011 10:57 am (UTC)
I'm so glad you liked it! :D (And icon love!)
sirona_gs
Feb. 10th, 2011 11:06 am (UTC)
TELL ME, TELL ME WE'LL GET TO SEE JOHN COMPLAINING TO BONES ABOUT IT, AND THAT'LL GIVE JIM IDEAS... You know you want to! XD
jaune_chat
Feb. 10th, 2011 01:36 pm (UTC)
Undoubtedly we will. In the future... sometime...
ebilchickens
Feb. 10th, 2011 10:48 am (UTC)
LMAO! Brilliant! Thanks for writing this. *is still snickering*
jaune_chat
Feb. 10th, 2011 11:00 am (UTC)
:) I'm very pleased you enjoyed it!
just_jane_doe
Feb. 10th, 2011 12:38 pm (UTC)
Kinky Bastards! hilarious all around... I was just telling my friend last night that Mr. Cumberbatch would make the sexiest Romulan EVER for the new Star Trek series.... he reminds me of ZQ so much that the dynamic would ROCK ... must ask for a confab with JJ to see if he'll agree! lol
jaune_chat
Feb. 10th, 2011 01:28 pm (UTC)
Hee! That would be epic. :D

I'm so glad you liked it, and thanks for commenting!
karadin
Feb. 10th, 2011 01:33 pm (UTC)
HAha, also love the subject titles Kirk and Sherlock use.
jaune_chat
Feb. 10th, 2011 01:38 pm (UTC)
Those made me giggle a whole lot while writing them. Thanks for commenting! :D
treksnoopy
Feb. 10th, 2011 03:19 pm (UTC)
That was FUN! *giggles*
jaune_chat
Feb. 10th, 2011 03:25 pm (UTC)
Hee hee! Glad you liked it!

Edited at 2011-02-10 03:25 pm (UTC)
solara_karrde
Feb. 10th, 2011 03:45 pm (UTC)
*giggles cuz she's in the library* Too funny!
jaune_chat
Feb. 11th, 2011 12:15 am (UTC)
I'm so glad you liked it!
bellonablack
Feb. 10th, 2011 04:07 pm (UTC)
Aww...I have no idea really about these fandoms expect the idea of the characters...and yet this was so much. fun. to read. <3 Good v-day approaching fic...sex fiend texttsss
jaune_chat
Feb. 11th, 2011 12:17 am (UTC)
Thanks for reading sweetie! I'm so glad you liked it!
redpearl_cao
Feb. 10th, 2011 07:41 pm (UTC)
Brilliant!
jaune_chat
Feb. 11th, 2011 12:17 am (UTC)
:D
uwsannajane
Feb. 10th, 2011 11:46 pm (UTC)
Snerk! This is an absurdly entertaining series. (Still laughing about Spock's reaction to Sherlock in the first one, and now am laughing about ... everything in today's installment.)
jaune_chat
Feb. 11th, 2011 12:18 am (UTC)
Laughter created = object achieved. Glad you liked it!
eightnoon
Feb. 11th, 2011 02:35 am (UTC)
LMAO! That was hilarious and brilliant!
jaune_chat
Feb. 11th, 2011 03:51 am (UTC)
:D I'm very pleased you enjoyed it!
brighteyed_jill
Feb. 11th, 2011 02:40 am (UTC)
Unless you’re counting my left hand, no. JTK

HA! All of this was delightfully hilarious and hot! The subject lines are the best. Oh, genius deviants and their long-suffering but triumphing-through-sex doctor counterparts.

This was a lovely pick-me-up after a long day. You are a constant delight!
jaune_chat
Feb. 11th, 2011 03:53 am (UTC)
The subject titles were hella fun to write! Anytime you need a pick-me-up, dearheart, I'll be there. *hugs*
adafrog
Feb. 12th, 2011 03:59 am (UTC)
This was great fun! Thanks.
jaune_chat
Feb. 12th, 2011 01:14 pm (UTC)
So pleased you enjoyed!
mariole
Feb. 13th, 2011 07:45 pm (UTC)
Terrific! So few of these message stories are actually (1) funny and (2) stories. Going back to read the parts I missed. Cheers!
jaune_chat
Feb. 13th, 2011 09:45 pm (UTC)
I'm so pleased I was able to meet your expectations! :D Thank you for commenting!
raiining
Mar. 28th, 2011 06:35 pm (UTC)
Lol. Fun series of three. Love London Station :d
jaune_chat
Mar. 29th, 2011 12:33 am (UTC)
I'm so very glad you liked them all! :)
karmic_fic
May. 28th, 2011 03:17 am (UTC)
BUAHAHAHAHAHAH.... BRILLIANT!!!
jaune_chat
May. 28th, 2011 03:27 am (UTC)
So glad it made you laugh! :D
zevbaldwin
Mar. 2nd, 2012 08:15 pm (UTC)
Funny!
jaune_chat
Mar. 3rd, 2012 06:04 am (UTC)
I'm glad it made you laugh!
( 34 comments — Leave a comment )

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