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There's a reason I have a LiveJournal, and it's because there is some stuff you just can't put on Facebook.

To my friends - I'm glad you're getting fit. It's important for your health to eat right and work out regularly. I'm pleased you're logging your miles, varying your workouts, and getting encouragement from your friends and family to keep on track. I know most of you are fairly decent people, so I know most of your posts aren't humble brags. Yes, of course there's a little of that, because if you aren't self-satisfied with your workouts, really what's the point? But you don't go overboard, and that's very decent of you.

However, I am not in shape. I'm lumpily obese. I weight as much as two of you guys put together.

And it's not because I don't know better. I took classes on health and fitness. I've worked with athletes. I know in excruciating detail what is necessary to do to get fit and healthy.

However, workouts don't make me feel empowered, they make me feel tired, sweaty, and embarrassed. Fat people do not air themselves in public. I do brisk walking most mornings, but there's a reason I stopped going to the YMCA. I just get really damn tired of me trying to walk on the treadmill while skinny people in yoga pants are jogging on the same, or guys with muscles for days are pumping themselves up on weight machines. I detest the bank of mirrors opposite the machines. They really don't help.

I also really dislike a lot of the healthier foods. I have strong textural aversions to several vegetables and fruits, as in I will have a gag reflex strong enough to puke if asked to eat a raw tomato, or certain other foods.

My husband seems to lose weight with no effort, and our schedules are so different it's sort of pointless to ask him to be my workout buddy.

And it's just... hard, when I see people constantly posting on their progress, and I'm not really progressing anywhere. It's not that I don't want to, but I am not just going to be able to leap in with both feet like these people are.

I know you're not supposed to compare yourself, and that everyone gets fit in their own way and at their own pace. But still. It sucks.

To you Health Nuts - Post a recipe that doesn't involve wheatgrass or low-fat ingredients, or maybe make a post about a movie you saw or a concert you went to. Please.

Just for a change of pace.

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