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Heroes Commentary 3x17: Cold Wars

There is just so much to love about this episode I barely know where to begin.

 

Heroes’ previouslies, as always, showing more than actually happened on the show. Because there was totally NOT Peter’s power-glowy-absorbing thing during the last time he held Nathan at gunpoint. Just saying. They like to rewrite history, them writers do, they do.

 

Peter busts out huge honking bottles of sedatives that he boosted from somewhere while Matt and Mohinder talk about drugging and kidnapping Bennet. The Voice of Irony, also known as Matt Parkman, says they haven’t done anything wrong before this. In the background, the crickets are snickering as everyone awkwardly thinks about the laundry list of crimes they’ve perpetrated in the last two or three years. And BTW, where did they get the car?

 

“Regular interrogation techniques won’t work, not with Bennet. We need to get creative.” Oooo, my brain just exploded. Sorry, if it weren’t for the gutter my mind would be homeless. 

 

Ok, so no one at the bar thought it was the slightest bit odd that three guys who hadn’t talked to Noah all night suddenly march in to haul his clearly drugged body away for nefarious purposes? Please tell me someone at least bribed the bartender not to call the cops.

 

Oh, fun times, HRG taped to a chair. Matt performs invasive mental surgery and we get nifty black and white flashbacks. Scary!Matt is scary, may I just say. It’s sort of creepy to see him get nasty like that.

 

Angela plays her best version of an FBI informant as she tries to give Noah the pink slip. He takes one look at the watch and makes an almighty bitchface. “Where’s my damn jacket? Union bylaws clearly state I get both a watch AND a jacket!”

 

Angela wants to try to patch up her family life. Uh… Ma Petrelli, don’t get me wrong, you’re a tough old broad, but I think that plane flew quite a while ago. 

 

Domestic!Noah is feeling stifled. You can take the man out of the company, but you can’t take the company out of the man. HRG doesn’t do domestic bliss; this man is a workaholic. I don’t think he even has hobbies. What the hell is he supposed to do anyway? Take care of his 18-year-old daughter? Love how Sandra talks about people they know through Lyle and Noah’s like, “Wait, I still have a kid in school?”

 

Luckily Nathan has arrived with a singing valentine job offer. (Fan service this week provided by Adrian Pasdar, first in a suit, then in a tux. That man can just stand there in tailored clothes and hold my attention. Yum. Ok, moving on.) Man, they are really playing up Jack Coleman’s height this week. It’s like he’s the Unjolly Morally Gray Giant.

 

Nathan talks about rounding Heroes up and then pulls a Dick Cheney and says exceptions will have to be made for him… and maybe Claire. Wow, he’s a true politician now. He’s playing Mephistopheles.

 

Nathan says he’s gone off the rails on this. Oh honey, you’re not just off the rails, you’re off the rails, upside down, in a ditch, on fire.

 

But may I just say that this scene with Nathan and Noah in the office is so fantastically shot and plot awesome that I want to frame it and put it on my wall? Yes, yes I shall.

 

Sandra didn’t question that Noah had a storage unit? Hmm, alrighty then. Also loved that Noah’s case-o-guns was secured with nothing more elaborate than a few straps. Just straps. For a gun locker. Ok, moving on. 

 

Wow, Danko’s grandiose plans didn’t work out so well, did they? Bennet says, “one of us, one of them.” Danko’s like, “No, more like ten of us, none of them, that will work better.” Back in the future, which of the two was right? Golly gee, I think it was Bennet.  Danko’s lost about a dozen men going after Sylar directly. Bennet already managed to capture Sylar once and kill him once already, and with no more than two people each time. Score: Bennet - two, Danko – negative twelve, plus an additional negative ten for arrogance.

 

You see, when people see a group of people in commando gear out to get them, they tend to get violent. When they see two people in suits, one of whom reeks of boring middle management, they tend to relax and dismiss them. Ignore not the advice of Bennet, for ye shall rue the day that ye spurned it!

 

Bennet tries to play nice with Danko, but Danko doesn’t believe it for a second. Mostly because every time Bennet smiles it looks like his glasses are about to jump off his face and stab Danko in the eyes. Bennet tries to play a liberal, emphasizing humanity, while Danko says it’s his way or the highway. Regardless of Noah’s personal beliefs, Danko’s Napoleon complex demands the son of Jor-El kneel before Zod. Bennet genuflects, and Danko is vaguely mollified. However, he really should check that booze for arsenic…

 

Matt and Mohinder’s power games this episode are hella fun to watch. Matt keeps thrusting, and Mohinder keeps parrying, until Matt gets the inside track. Then we get screaming fights and they destroy furniture together. Sadly, that’s not a euphemism. 

 

Though I must question that Matt and Mohinder are in a cheap motel room screaming at each other and breaking furniture and they haven’t had a single irate neighbor or managerial sort knock on their door and tell them to quiet the hell down? Horse-hockey!

 

Again Peter shows his utter familiarity with military weapons as he uses a flash grenade to escape the clutches of the hunters. Again I protest: Where. The. Fuck. Did. This. Nurse. Get. His. Military. Training?!!!!!

 

Then Bennet MacGyvers his way out of the chair while Matt and Mohinder have a moment, then tries to steal the most pimpin’ car in the parking lot. Can’t blame the guy; he’s had a tough day. Peter landing on the car was damn cool, even if it stopped Noah from getting away.

 

This is what cracks my skull: Peter can fly from California to D.C. in a very short period of time with no real loss of hair style, but when Nathan zips over a few blocks he has the most awesome case of flighthead (like bedhead, but from flight). Is Peter buying better hair product that Nathan now? I thought senators had $400 haircuts or something.

 

(Hmm… MMP’s (Matt, Mohinder, Peter) rap sheet is getting longer by the second in this episode. Add destruction of property, breaking and entering, and assault and battery onto drugging, kidnapping, illegal genetic experimentation, cruel interrogation techniques, and violating federal airspace. Keep up this blistering pace and we’ll see these guys form the heart of the Heroes mafia! Matt can be the Godfather!)

 

Danko, when confronted with an unstable man with a gun, does the patented trick that TV and movies have convinced us will always work to preserve your life: press your forehead to the gun. If you do that, then no one will have the guts to kill you. While the sadist in me was just itching for Peter to prove me wrong, at least he did shoot Danko in the shoulder. He means business, he does, he really, really does! He promises!

 

Mohinder feels the need to be a martyr for Matt. This man has severe self-esteem issues. He and Sylar deserve each other.

 

Hmm… Mohinder is being asked to do scientific stuff by Nathan. Hang on, he’s chained to a floor, I need a moment. Mohinder. Chained to a floor. Wet Mohinder, chained to a floor. If only he was shirtless, this moment would be perfect. … Ok, I’m good. What was this scene about? Scientific shit? Daphne? Saving Daphne? Right, ok, sorry I was distracted.

 

I was worried Noah was laying it on a little thick with the “job is all I have now” speech, but Danko’s mellowed out with Vicodin and isn’t going to call him on it yet. Note to self, Danko needs to get shot more often.

 

Then Noah utters the “comfortable with morally gray” line again, proves his loyalty to the Heroes in the main, is going to go on being badass even as he tries to save people, and I have to spend the next ten minutes running laps around my coffee table waving my hands above my head going “Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” because I now love Noah Bennet to a degree that is truly stupid. The intrinsic awesomeness of this character cannot be denied. I love you HRG!

 

Matt is now the bomb? Damn… Uncool show, very uncool. I like Matt! Please tell me this bomb shit is some kind of bluff, or I will be very cross with you!

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