amusedAuthor:
jaune_chatFandom: Star Trek/Sherlock (BBC)
Characters/Pairings: Kirk/Bones, Sherlock/John
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 1,375
Spoilers: none
Warnings: implied sexual shenanigans, slash
Disclaimer: Sherlock and Star Trek aren’t mine.
A/N: Sequel to London Station and Aftermath of London Station. Also “texting” is used in the loosest possible interpretation. No character count here!
Summary: Sherlock texts Jim Kirk about a case. Doctors McCoy and Watson try to keep them from doing anything too stupid about it. Creative forms of restraint ensue!
To: Captain Kirk
What is the top speed of the USS Enterprise? Starfleet has it listed as “classified.” SH
To: Sherlock Holmes
For good reason. Warp 9 if we want to blow through our fuel in a few hours. 9.3 if Scotty gets time to tweak it. JTK
To: Captain Kirk
Admirable. So you could theoretically travel from Earth to New Vulcan in 5.6 minutes. SH
To: Sherlock Holmes
Theoretically. We’re not at Earth though. JTK
To: Captain Kirk
Obviously. You’re patrolling the Neutral Zone and haven’t seen action in three weeks. SH
To: Sherlock Holmes
Unless you’re counting my left hand, no. JTK
To: Kirk
We’ve had a modified cruiser blast out of London Station with several museum pieces aboard. Judging by their nacelle design, they should have been forced to stop for refueling and maintenance 23 hours ago. Their energy signature, however, does not match. It’s far closer to the Enterprise, and likely has a similar range. They were heading in your direction. SH
To: Sherlock
I’m listening. Intently. JTK
To: Kirk
In order to sell the pieces, the ship is most likely to pass through the Neutral Zone to get to the nearest potential buyer. To do that, they’ll have to be quick in crossing the border. Your ship should be able to catch them, provided I give you a heads up. SH
To: Curly-Haired Git
Was that a challenge? JTK
To: Over-Sexed Braggart
Quite possibly. SH
------------------
To: Dr. Watson
He’s in communication with Jim.
To: Dr. McCoy
I’ll try to stop him from doing something stupid.
To: Dr. Watson
Use force. I will.
To: Dr. McCoy
Noted.
-----------------
To: Sherlock
Sorry I didn’t get your message until this morning. Late night. Starfleet Command is a little dubious because we didn’t get a communication from London Station that this was an official alert. JTK
To: Kirk
Ah, I neglected to remind Scotland Yard last night. Very late. Check again. SH
To: Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise
London Station formally requests your assistance in the apprehension of several dangerous criminals that have fled our jurisdiction headed in your direction. File attached. –Detective Inspector Gregory Lestrade
To: Sherlock
Next time mention your art thieves are also murderers that include members from a rogue Romulan terrorist group. That makes Starfleet move their asses faster. JTK
To: Kirk
Oh, did that matter? SH
To: Heartless Bastard
Yes. Yes it does. JTK
To: Over-Sensitive Twit
If you insist. SH
----------------
To: Dr. McCoy
He’s still at it. I tried. I’m rather sore.
To: Dr. Watson
I’m sending you a code to replicate some ointment. Use it, it helps. Personal experience.
To: Dr. McCoy
Thank Mycroft for surplus replicator credits. That did help, thank you.
To: Dr. Watson
Jim has us patrolling one end of the Neutral Zone trying to catch pirates.
To: Dr. McCoy
My profound apologies. Sherlock was frustrated that they slipped the Docking Patrol just when he had identified them.
To: Dr. Watson
Tell him to not rile Jim up. All he needs is an excuse to act like a hero.
To: Dr. McCoy
Fine. I’ll break out the special trunk.
To: Dr. Watson
Good idea. I’ll see what I can do to diffuse the situation on my end.
To: Dr. McCoy
Good luck.
----------
To: Sherlock
Those energy signatures you sent have my engineers in an uproar. That’s modified Starfleet tech. We’re setting algorithms to lock onto the scent now. Or maybe they already did. I’m not quite sure what time it is. JTK
To: Kirk
…Neither do I. Apologies for any spelling errors. Typing with one hand. SH
To: Sherlock
One: Why? Two: Just use voice diction. JTK
To: Kirk
Hate voice diction. And I’m cuffed, if you must know. SH
To: Kinky Bastard
Not only must I know, I must know more. JTK
To: Likewise
Don’t like voice diction, do occasionally like visual recording. Sending file. SH
To: HOT DAMN
!!!!
-------------------
To: Dr. Watson
You gave Jim ideas, you fool!
To: Dr. McCoy
Jealous?
To: Dr. Watson
Bring it on.
--------------------
To: Sherlock
Scotty finished the new scanning program. There are traces in two places on the border. We’re checking them now. JTK
To: Kirk
You’re entirely too perky at this hour. SH
To: Sherlock
It’s 0600 on London Station. I thought you were usually up before then. JTK
To: Kirk
File attached: Late Night SH
To: Mighty Flexible
Anything you can do, I can do better. File attached: Way Later Night JTK
To: Could You Do That Again, So I Can Study It?
Does one of your traces also contain tachyon particles? SH
To: Your Mind Works In Mysterious Ways
Yeah it does, changing course now. JTK
To: Kirk
Do let me know when you catch up. I’ll be asleep. SH
To: Sherlock
After that, you need it. JTK
----------------
To: Dr. McCoy
Well, it worked. At least he’s focused. I may need to sleep for a week.
To: Dr. Watson
Any recommendations for a cure for an Andrian fire-water hangover? Hyposprays aren’t touching it and I can’t concentrate enough to use a database search.
To: Dr. McCoy
I’d try fried eggs on beans with gray salt. Also, I'd never let him drink fire-water out of your navel again.
To: Dr. Watson
WHAT?!
To: Dr. McCoy
Oh God, I actually sent that…
-------------------
To: Sherlock
Location: Bridge – On course for your pirates. They’re running-.
[CONNECTION TERMINATED DUE TO TEMPORARY LOSS OF SERVICE]
To: Sherlock
AND ARMED! JTK
To: Kirk
I believe you know they are also Romulan terrorists. Armed is included with that definition. SH
To: Sherlock
NOT WITH PHOTON TORPEDOES!
To: Sherlock
I hate you.
To: Sherlock
Tachyon particles!
To: Kirk/To: Sherlock
You could always phase-. / Phase our own phasers to their own engine emissions!
To: Kirk/To: Sherlock
BRILLIANT!
To: Kirk
It worked? SH
To: Sherlock
Obviously. Engines knocked out. Ship collected. Pirates captured. Art retrieved. Spock was impressed. JTK
To: Kirk
I’m pleased I was able to save your ship. SH
To: Swelled Head
My ass. JTK
To: Lovely Invitation, But I Must Decline
Doubtful. SH
To: Likewise
Whatever. I have better things to go home to. Oh, and I’m not allowed to send or receive private files to or from you. Ever again. JTK
To: Kirk
Also, likewise. SH
To: Sherlock
You have your PADD on remote, right? JTK
To: Clever Boy
Obviously. SH
To: Gleeful
Victory celebrations, ahoy! JTK
--------------
To: Dr. McCoy
My apologies. I should have known better than to let Sherlock use my PADD. I could not unsee what I’d seen.
To: Dr. Watson
Forgiven. We have more pressing matters.
To: Dr. McCoy
Do tell.
To: Dr. Watson
I’m out of clever ideas.
To: Dr. McCoy
We could swap trunks.
To: Dr. Watson
That’s a horrible idea. I’m a doctor, not a sex fiend. It’ll only give Jim more ideas.
To: Dr. McCoy
Tell that to someone who hasn’t seen you wearing that leather outfit. And you’ve inadvertently given Sherlock ideas too.
To: Dr. Watson
Jim had it custom-tailored as a birthday gift!
To: Dr. McCoy
I know. I want the tailor’s name.
To: Dr. Watson
Maybe we should swap trunks instead.
To: Dr. McCoy
Quickly. Before Sherlock get bored again.
To: Dr. Watson
It’ll be on the next shuttle.
To: Dr. McCoy
Thank you for the initial warning, by the way. I’m putting an alert on Sherlock’s PADD if he tries to contact Captain Kirk again.
To: Dr. Watson
Anytime. We’d better keep in touch in case this happens again.
To: Dr. McCoy
Agreed. I could use some commiseration.
To: Dr. Watson
And some extra videos! JTK
To: Dr. Watson
Damn it Jim, stop hacking my PADD!
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