Fandom: Criminal Minds/Dollhouse
Characters/Pairings: Penelope Garcia, Topher Brink
Disclaimer: Lies, all lies!
A/N: Written for crossovers_las for the prompt “when pigs fly”
Summary: A little friendly hacking competition between two resident geniuses.
QueenOfAllKnowledge: I see you!
Topher blinked at the cute kitten that had popped up on top of his search window and began to bat at his code, and grinned at his chat program. He typed back rapidly.
ChairGod: Oh, you finally noticed?
QueenOfAllKnowledge: Puh-leez, I had you pegged before you popped my first firewall.
ChairGod: :-P So, now that I have your attention, care to join in some fun?
Penelope Garcia looked over her shoulder reflexively, before switching her conversation to her personal laptop and setting her search history to erase itself. It wouldn’t do to be caught on company equipment. Especially not for recreational hacking with another hacker that she didn’t even know his real name, yet. That was part of the fun, but the higher-ups wouldn’t see it that way.
QueenOfAllKnowledge: Bring it on.
A little robot popped up and moonwalked across Garcia’s screen, trailing a destination behind it. It was all she could do to stop laughing when she saw where they were going to be hacking today.
ChairGod: Think you can handle it? ;-)
The kitten on Topher’s screen stretched and sunk its claws into the search window, swiping at it and splitting it into two, one showing Topher’s starting point, the other showing Queen’s. Topher was privately impressed.
ChairGod: Let’s dance!
QueenOfAllKnowledge: I’m already in a tango.
Cascades of number began to flow on Queen’s screen as she dove for their selected target, easily bypassing the public screen and going right for programmer access. Topher set loose his own codes to scramble the passwords, making them reset, and slipped in as a new user (he brushed aside the firewalls like so much cobwebs) while Queen was temporarily locked out of the system.
Garcia smiled tightly as ChairGod moved ahead of her, and backtracked to the PR department to find a way in. But not before leaving a gift behind.
Topher lost track of Queen while he was sorting through programs, but suddenly remember he wasn’t along when what should have been the website master control program opened up to reveal a pic of a dozen annoyingly cute kittens with the caption – Teh Itteh Bitteh Kitteh Comitteh says ChairGod iz as stooped as teh goggie!
ChairGod: You’re going down, Queen!
QueenOfAllKnowledge: Just try-. Crap, work, BRB.
Garcia answered her phone, typing with one hand on the laptop, and the other on her FBI company desktop, rapidly looking up employment records for Morgan.
Topher took the respite to search the hidden databases for the website controls, but had to shut off his screen when Boyd walked in with Echo. Cursing only in his head at the delay, Topher grabbed the relevant wedge and started downloading the imprint into Echo’s head, trying not to dance with impatience.
Garcia squeaked in dismay when she turned her full attention back to the hack only to find a half-dozen little cartoon robots systematically trying to disrupt her code. She sent her kittens to drag them all off to play before rounding on ChairGod.
QueenOfAllKnowledge: That’s almost precious, Chair God. ;-)
ChairGod: Kittens… *shudder*
ChairGod: Read ‘em and weep!
Topher typed his taunt triumphantly as he logged into the master controls (Queen had them filed under “toe rings” for reasons past understanding) and put his stamp on the website.
Garcia logged onto the FBI homepage to see a little breakdancing robot busting a move in the corner. She grinned, logged on from her company computer, and deleted it in three strokes.
ChairGod: Hey! What was that?!
QueenOfAllKnowledge: For me to know and you to find out, mister.
ChairGod: Maybe I will, Miss Mysterious.
QueenOfAllKnowledge: Or maybe I’ll figure out where you picked up your skills first! ;-)
Topher reinstated the robot long enough to make it sprout wings and soar off on his terms.
ChairGod: When pigs fly. :-D