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Trojan Detective

Title: Trojan Detective
Author: jaune_chat
Fandoms: Chuck/Sherlock (BBC)
Characters/Pairings: Chuck Bartowski, Sarah Walker, John Casey, General Beckman, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 1,000
Spoilers: S1 for Sherlock, Vague S3 for Chuck
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
A/N: Written for tvnetwork2_las for the prompt “crack fiction.”
Summary: Chuck’s latest Intersect download has a little something extra…

“How are you feeling, Chuck?”

Chuck blinked slowly as Sarah’s voice penetrated his post-flash daze.

“A little like I went ten rounds with Mike Tyson,” Chuck groaned, clutching his head. “That was a serious download. Guess that’s why the Ring wanted it so badly.”

“You gonna puke, Bartowski?” Casey demanded, as Chuck turned slightly green.

“Not yet.” Chuck swallowed dryly as his stomach protested the lingering ache in his head. “But I reserve the right to later.”


“What?” Chuck asked.

“Chuck, I didn’t say anything,” Sarah said, looking concerned.

All of this potential and drive and you still waste so much time playing video games.

“Hey! That’s uncalled for. I’ve totally been doing my part!” Chuck protested.

“Chuck?” Casey was getting that vaguely constipated look he got when he tried to invoke an expression other than anger, annoyance, or neutral sternness. Chuck thought he might have been trying for “worried.” And if Casey was worried, then something serious was going on.

“Um…” That was all Chuck could get out after a second’s thought.

What passes for thoughts. Dear Lord, the secrets of several nations in your head and you’ve barely scraped the surface of activating it. Hmm, you do have interesting neural pathways though.

Chuck suppressed panic when he realized the sardonic voice was not coming from anywhere inside the Castle. He looked at his handlers and friends with wide eyes. “Uh guys, there’s an English dude in my head.”

Thirty minutes and some explaining later, Castle was linked to General Beckman, who was sharing her screen with a somewhat careworn, sandy-haired man with a resigned and worried expression.

“Agents, Colonel, this is Dr. John Watson, speaking on the behalf of some officials in the British government. He has the details of the unusual nature of the Intersect update you retrieved.”

“And already downloaded!” Chuck added testily, not happy that he’d crammed something into his skull that apparently had a Trojan Horse or malware or something attached to it.

Dr. Watson looked a bit pained as he started. “This is going to sound a bit mad-.”

“I’ve had a secret government computer in my head for three years. Mad is kind of a daily thing,” Chuck pointed out.

Is it now? the cultured voice said. Ah, John has arrived. Hopefully he’ll have figured out my little mishap.

“Mishap?” Chuck muttered quietly.

“Right,” Dr. Watson said on-screen. “Short version is my flatmate Sherlock is brilliant. He helps out Scotland Yard on all sorts of hard cases. Ah, he also likes to experiment with things he shouldn’t.”

John, it’s for science! the voice, Sherlock, said indignantly. Chuck rubbed his temples, his headache not going away anytime soon.

“This disk of yours was stolen from one of your couriers, and Sherlock helped get it back. Then he started fiddling with it instead of handing it right over.” Dr. Watson put up his hand to stop the inevitable protests. “He’s impossible, I know. Somehow he… transferred his consciousness to the Intersect disk.”

Casey grumped. “All our new European intel was on there and this guy was experimenting with it.”

“After that someone broke into our flat and stole it again, specifically this enemy of ours. Then you lot,” Dr. Watson waved at Team Bartowski, “stole it back before I could convince anyone I wasn’t insane for saying Sherlock was on it somehow.”

Tell John his efforts are commendable, if unfortunately straightforward. He had to go to Mycroft, didn’t he? Sherlock said.

Chuck relayed, feeling ridiculous. Beckman’s eyes widened at the name Mycroft and Dr. Watson suddenly looked wildly hopeful.

“Sherlock! Are you all right?”

Yes, I’m fine. Reassure him, Charles, before he goes into his non-panic panicking mode and ends up shooting someone.

Chuck opened his mouth, wondered how he could argue with someone in his head without looking like more of a dork than usual, and shut it again.

“Yeah, he’s here, and he’s fine and he… What?” Chuck paused to listen as Sherlock rattled off another series of requests. “Uh, he wants to know if you’re caring for his body or Molly is.” That made no sense to him, but Dr. Watson relaxed slightly.

“I am, Sherlock. You’re not technically dead!”

“Oh good, because if-,” Chuck stopped himself, figured he probably shouldn’t get into whether he would or would not have been willing to share his headspace with anyone else for the rest of his life. Dr. Watson was getting a very Casey-esque pre-violence look to him. “You know what, never mind. Just get him here or me there so I can go back to having a brain mostly to myself!”

“We’re moving you out in an hour, Agent Bartowski,” General Beckman promised.

Terrible. Ten more hours with you.

“Hey, it’s not exactly a dream come true for me either,” Chuck said.

There is the possibility, however… What do you know about James Moriarty?

Chuck felt his eyes go unfocused as he flashed, dozens of facts and photographs about an elusive criminal mastermind flooding his conscious mind.

On screen, Dr. Watson stiffened in alarm. “What’s wrong? He looks like he’s having a seizure!”

“No, that’s normal for Bartowski,” Casey said. Sarah broke in with reassurances as Sherlock broke into Chuck’s thoughts.

That was invigorating. A very efficient method for learning. What else do you have in here?

Chuck felt a bit of panic in his stomach as Sherlock began humming as he poked around in his brain.

“Sherlock, don’t try to mind-melt your host,” Dr. Watson said with weary patience.

I am not. When else am I going to have an opportunity to see this much information at once?

“Get me to London, now!” Chuck said frantically, as Sherlock found another name he wanted to know more about.

This would possibly be the longest plane ride in the history of the world.


( 23 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 8th, 2011 12:47 pm (UTC)
Sherlock so wouldn't resist the temptation to tinker with Intersect :D

loved it! :)
Nov. 9th, 2011 09:44 am (UTC)
Of course he wouldn't. If you give a mouse a cookie... :D
Nov. 8th, 2011 01:31 pm (UTC)
Oh, well done, you!
Nov. 9th, 2011 09:56 am (UTC)
Hee hee! Glad you like it!
Nov. 8th, 2011 01:39 pm (UTC)
Oh, Sherlock - you never can keep your fingers to yourself, can you? :-)

This was lovely. Poor Chuck - Sherlock's bad enough as a person, but having him in your head? Poor Chuck :-)
Nov. 8th, 2011 06:55 pm (UTC)
Poor Chuck indeed...:)
Nov. 9th, 2011 09:57 am (UTC)
Sherlock? Keep to himself? ...Never! :D

And indeed, poor, poor Chuck. Ten hours with Sherlock poking through his brain.
Nov. 8th, 2011 02:09 pm (UTC)
Oh hilarious! And I don't know what it's crossed with, but it works!
Nov. 9th, 2011 09:58 am (UTC)
Chuck is a delightfully hilarious show. If you ever get the chance, it's very giggle-worthy. But thanks so much for reading an unfamiliar fandom!
Nov. 8th, 2011 03:57 pm (UTC)
I certainly feel for Chuck. Very cleverly done. I especially enjoyed this bit:
"Yes, I’m fine. Reassure him, Charles, before he goes into his non-panic panicking mode and ends up shooting someone."
Because we all know that John is at his most dangerous like that. :)
Nov. 9th, 2011 10:00 am (UTC)
So very, very dangerous. Do not get between John and those he protects!
Nov. 8th, 2011 05:19 pm (UTC)
Ha! Excellent!
Nov. 9th, 2011 10:00 am (UTC)
Hee! Glad you liked it!
Nov. 9th, 2011 06:43 pm (UTC)
Insane thumbs up. I'm laughing too much.
Nov. 10th, 2011 02:59 am (UTC)
(Icon love!) Hee, so glad you liked it!
Nov. 12th, 2011 05:10 am (UTC)
OH! I would have never thought to cross Chuck with Sherlock in this fashion; it really works well!

Sherlock triggering flashes for his own edification is SO something he'd do. Poor Chuck! Not only is he berated for wasting his potential but he's also forced to flash on command! XD

Loved it!
Nov. 12th, 2011 09:45 am (UTC)
It made me giggle! So glad you liked it!
Dec. 27th, 2011 01:13 am (UTC)
HEEEEEE! Reccing this here!
Dec. 27th, 2011 02:19 am (UTC)
*chortles* So very glad you liked it! :D
Dec. 27th, 2011 02:59 pm (UTC)
Poor Chuck! It's bad enough having to talk to Sherlock, but having him in your head, rummaging around? Sarah or Casey should see to it that Chuck is sedated for the flight. Sherlock would probably complain bitterly afterwards, but at least Chuck wouldn't have to deal with Sherlock in his own head!

Dec. 27th, 2011 06:41 pm (UTC)
Oh Chuck, so often getting the short end of the stick. Aye, Chuck probably should be sedated, but I bet someone wants to study the phenomenon. Sherlock will want the notes! :D Glad you liked it!
Mar. 3rd, 2012 07:27 am (UTC)
Mar. 4th, 2012 05:01 am (UTC)
It was such a giggle to write!
( 23 comments — Leave a comment )



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