Fandoms: The Avengers (film)
Characters/Relationships: Bruce, OC
Word count: 648
Content Advisory: CRACK! Telepathy. Abuse of coffee.
Disclaimer: Not mine, just playing.
A/N: Written for a prompt from avengerkink.
Summary: An evil telepath wants to get into Bruce's mind. Oddly enough, he has a formidable defense.
On Ao3 or below the cut
The Avengers had many enemies, most of whom wouldn't even consider attacking them unless they had some plan that was "worthy" of their foes. It seemed every two-bit would-be megalomaniac had to have a plan as flamboyant as the Avengers themselves before they'd unleash it on the public, usually something involving overly-large robots, extra-dimensional portals, genetically manipulated nightmare monsters, or another pack of misfit villains.
Morris "Mastermind" Wasserman, telepath extraordinaire, was going to take a different tact - subtlety. Sure, that Loki guy had had a good idea with trying to turn the Avengers against each other before they'd even been the Avengers, but he'd gone about it in the stupidest way possible. He'd waited until they were already on high alert with all of their resources focused on thwarting him before unleashing his secret weapon. Moron. Loki had spent so much time trying to perfect his "master plan" that he'd let them gel as a team. But if you were go to after them alone, when they weren't thinking about an attack, well, then you had a real chance of getting some proper villainy done.
Banner was the logical choice. Thor's mind was alien, always a gamble. Hawkeye and the Black Widow rarely left the Tower, and he only had so much range. He was a telepath, not Spiderman. Stark's mind was vulnerable enough, but he was always flying about in his suit, and again, telepath, not skydiver. Captain America was always surrounded by people, and that was terrible for Morris' concentration. Banner was perfect; no one knew who he was when he wasn't the Hulk. So much of his formidable brainpower was dedicated to keeping his rage-monster at bay that he'd been able to slip right in, get the information he needed to really strain the man's control at the perfect, vulnerable moment, and get out again without him noticing.
It also helped that Banner went to the same coffee shop as Morris. He waited patiently with his decaf for Banner to order his snooty, imported tea, and waited a little more for him to get absorbed in the latest scientific magazine at his table. In a few minutes, Morris would be able to find out every secret the man had, all his teammates' vulnerabilities, all of the Hulk's vulnerabilities, and then he, Morris Wasserman, would be forever known as the man who'd taken down the Avengers with nothing but the power of his mind, and not any elaborate, flamboyant plan...
Morris blinked and smiled as the coffee shop disappeared, leaving him standing in the library/lab that was Banner's memories. He laughed out loud, feeling incredibly smug, and reached for the giant book labeled "Avengers" on the shelf next to him.
Then he heard a snort, like that of an angry bull. Morris looked up. And up. And up, straight into the rage-filled green eyes of the Hulk. The monster's mouth twitched into a smirk.
Then a fist the size of Morris' entire body slammed him straight out of Banner's brain.
Bruce looked up from his magazine as a balding man in a sweater vest went flying out of his chair to sprawl on the floor, coffee all over him. He jumped up to help, leaning down to check the man over for injuries. The man yelped when Bruce approached and sat up, blood streaming from both nostrils. He leapt up like he'd landed on tacks and was out of the coffee shop before the barista could even come out from behind her counter with towels.
"Weird," she said, and turned to clean up the spilled java.
Deep in Bruce's mind, the Hulk chuckled softly.
What's so funny? Bruce demanded.
Bruce sighed and went back to his tea and magazine. He had to work on getting straight answers out of the Hulk. That was at least the sixth time this had happened this month.